


Perhaps a great love is never returned

by Kei_sh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24199084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kei_sh/pseuds/Kei_sh
Summary: Unrequited love does not die ;  It`s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded- Elle Newmark
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Konoha Akinori
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	1. Perhaps a great love is never returned

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the jacket you never returned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2228061) by [daisuga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisuga/pseuds/daisuga). 



> (This story was originally written in Bahasa Indonesia. Translator :Denika)
> 
> I have Daisuga's permission to write this side story. Konoha's POINT OF VIEW :)  
> OH, HOW i LOVE HER WORKS SO MUCH

A side story from a fiction titled 'the Jacket You Never Returned' by Daisuga.  
(This story was originally written in Bahasa Indonesia. Translator :Denika)

Summary :  
Unrequited love does not die ; It`s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded- Elle Newmark

******* 

That night Konoha Akinori stared at the figure of marble with sleep in his arms. Figure Akaashi Keiji fell asleep back to the window making moonlight that managed to break through the window and the curtain illuminated part of Akaashi's face and made it glow.   
But there was a speck of sadness emanating from that beautiful face that Konoha didn't like. Konoha knows Akaashi had always been the type of person who kept everything by himself. He does not like to bother other people. Always prioritizing the happiness of others rather than his own feelings. The thing that making Konoha always  
s want to protect Akaashi. Yes, for a Konoha, Akaashi figure indeed as valuable as that.

****

“Huh? Keiji? Who’s that?”

The sentence that Bokuto said at that time did not only make Akaashi destroyed. Konoha feels his heart like being squeezed when he saw the injured expression of Akaashi. He could not say anything. Konoha was speechless and didn't trust his voice. Maybe he would yell at Bokuto if he tried to explain. There is a monster named jealous and sadness that has long been Konoha buried and then wriggled his chest wanted to be released. So Konoha prefers to embrace Akaashi's shoulder to strengthen him. Luckily Kuroo immediately acted quickly by answering Bokuto question.

“He`s your boyfriend.”

For the second time Konoha's heart was broken. No matter how big Konoha's love for Akaashi is the young man is still not his. Plus seeing the look of hurt on the face of a loved one. Konoha must endure. For Akaashi's sake.

“Dude, I`m not gay.” Bokuto laughs, but he looks so confused, afraid.

Konoha and Bokuto have been friends for a long time. Bokuto is a more open and expressive person. Do not hesitate to issue all his opinions also instantly act like what is in his mind. Sometimes that's what makes Konoha feel annoyed at Bokuto. But never once did he feel angry. So angry at Bokuto that he wanted to hit him. Even when he finally said that Bokuto was in a relationship with Akaashi and made Konoha disappointed, Konoha could still hold his emotions.

But for the first time in his life Konoha felt so angry that he wanted to hit and curse Bokuto. Konoha was afraid of the monster that had long been his bridle in him. If he hurt Bokuto, Akaashi would definitely hate him. At that time Akaashi needed his support more than his anger.

Konoha took a deep breath. Enjoying Akaashi's sleeping face before him. He can’t forgetting the expression on Akaashi's face which at that time could only blink his eyes and try not to cry because Bokuto had accidentally forgotten about it.

Konoha also wants to cry. He loves someone who does not reciprocate his feelings but also unrequited feelings. This is a nightmare from a Konoha Akinori. Love someone who loves someone else. Hurt because they see a loved one hurt because of someone else. It was not only Akaashi who was injured, but Konoha carried twice the burden Akaashi felt.

I think he must have conferenced with my nightmares on exactly how to hurt me  
Clementine von Radics, In Defense of Loving Him 

One week has passed since Bokuto accidentally forgot Akaashi. Konoha secretly watched the young man. Looks fine. Still living together in one apartment with Bokuto, although not as a pair of lovers. As a friend, just one place to stay.

Everyone who understands and admires the relationship between Akaashi and Bokuto tries to restore Bokuto's memory. They couldn't stand the sight of how injured Akaashi every Bokuto was calling him Akaashi, not Keiji. Bokuto doesn't know how long Konoha has been quietly crave to call the beautiful young man by the name of Keiji while Bokuto has the right and the chance to throw it away.

Konoha fed up. He didn't go along with the others to try to remind Bokuto.

But their efforts stopped on the third day. Bokuto returned all the effort to remind him of that with awkward laughs and as a silly joke. Again what Konoha most wanted from Bokuto was considered a joke by Bokuto.

They stopped because they couldn't bear to see Akaashi's hurt expression.

Konoha can only observe from afar. Providing support by inviting Akaashi to go to lunch together, trying to talk to him, or just replacing Bokuto in their Saturday night routine. Akaashi told him that he had a habit of watching movies together every Saturday night. Konoha was willing to replace Bokuto to accompany Akaashi to watch all the films he had not yet watched. Although the film has a genre that Konoha hates, even though Konoha is only a substitute. Konoha is willing. Slowly began to enter Akaashi's life which began to collapse.

Still, he's not Bokuto. Still Akaashi never showed a happy expression. Because he is Konoha Akinori. And Akaashi Keiji only wants Bokuto Kotarou to return. Konoha hates to admit it.

****

Someone once said to Konoha that the most beautiful love is when you love someone in silence. That one-sided love is not sad love. Beautiful, because you still love someone without expecting anything in return. 

Konoha only chuckled when remembering. Of course he would still love Akaashi without expecting anything in return. Isn't that easy to forget his feelings and how will he expect a reply if he has no other choice?

For days he tried to avoid Akaashi. He was still watching the young man but he stayed away. It hurt his heart to see Akaashi who was already so injured that he still followed Bokuto wherever he went. Never once felt angry. Insufficient people getting to know Akaashi must have thought that Akaashi was okay.

But Konoha knows how broke Akaashi's heart is.

He is quietly asked God or anyone who could grant his wish. Konoha doesn't want to see Akaashi hurt again. So, if Bokuto really can't make Akaashi happy, allow Konoha to pick up and unite Akaashi's pieces of heart. Cure him and make him happy again. Although forever he was only a shadow of a Bokuto Kotaro, Konoha was willing.

****

The nightmare did not stop there. One day Kuroo appeared in front of his apartment with a facial expression that made Konoha's heart pound. He knew if the young man brought bad news. Please, please, thought Konoha. I beg you not like what my thought.

"Konoha, Bokuto told me if he has a lover. And I also told Akaashi earlier. For some reason now I feel worried about him."

Akaashi! 

Abandoning whatever he had been doing and ignoring Kuroo who was shouting to him, Konoha ran out of the apartment. He must find Akaashi as soon as possible. Konoha ran until his chest was congested. He is an athlete so running is not a difficult thing for him. His chest was tight with all kinds of emotions at the time.

The sound of vehicles passing by did not he listened because his ears were ringing very loudly. Konoha concentrated on focusing his thoughts to accelerate his pace. He ran towards Akaashi's apartment. He knew that the young man must have been there at this time. Today's Akaashi schedule only has violin practice and Bokuto will go home when it gets dark. Especially after having a lover then he will come home less often.

Konoha could not imagine Akaashi alone in his apartment and carrying all the weight of the world on his shoulders. Akaashi can lie to everyone but not Konoha.

Ten minutes of running very fast now Konoha is standing in the doorway of Akaashi's apartment. Panting, he opened the door and found the scene he was most afraid of in his life. The black haired man was standing behind him. Even though Konoha can't see Akaashi's face, his feelings say that Akaashi is crying. He also knew that Akaashi not liked to show his feelings. So with a slower pace Konoha walked closer, watching the black haired man's shoulders tremble slowly and his hands on the sides of his body were tightly clenched. When it was very close Konoha could hear Akaashi's raspy voice.

"He will never remember me. He will never come back."

There is no need for any more explanation and Konoha knows who is meant by Akaashi. With quickly he embraced his body eight centimeters taller than himself into his arms. Konoha leaned his head on the back of Akaashi's head. His hands are circular and linked to Akaashi's stomach.  
They burst into tears.

"It's alright, Akaashi. I’m here. I am here."

****

"Today Kotarou found one of the papers I hid," Akaashi said after finishing playing his first Spiegel im Spiegel that day. The violin is still squeezed on the chin but the tool has been drooped weakly with his hands on his sides.

"Then what did you say?" Konoha glanced at Akaashi from the book he was reading. When Kuroo can't accompany him to practice violin, Konoha will be present so Akaashi is not alone.

"That everything written on the paper is just a joke between the two of us."

"You know, Akaashi?" Konoha interrupted. "Sometimes you don't need to spoil Bokuto. You can also prioritize your own happiness. Sometimes you just have to look around and then realize that someone is always waiting for you."

Akaashi was stunned. But did not answer. He did not want his suspicions proven. It was enough of Bokuto's problems to shake him up and he didn't want to add to the burden in his heart.  
But Akaashi confirmed Konoha's words. Besides, Bokuto will never return to his side. The one living in the apartment with him is another Bokuto. Bokuto Kotarou is different.

"Akaashi."

Akaashi looked at Konoha who was now looking down.

"Can you stop playing Spiegel im Spiegel?" 

****

Bokuto never remembered. 

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and before they knew it, Bokuto already graduated.

Konoha and Akaashi's relationship did not develop too far either. Occasionally Konoha accompanied Akaashi to practice the violin if Kuroo had to attend another event. Sometimes Akaashi also accompanied Konoha to buy new books that Konoha wanted to buy. Lunch together and watch a movie on Saturday night.  
Konoha was still on Akaashi's side even though he kept Bokuto around him. Keep Bokuto in his heart.

Until one day Kuroo called Konoha and told him something. Konoha went straight to Akaashi's apartment and saw the two of them returning home in conditions that made Konoha's heart squeezed again.

The clothes Kuroo was wearing were wet with tears from Akaashi and the young man was in a shaking condition. Konoha immediately took over. After making sure Akaashi was with Konoha, Kuroo said good-bye. Now Akaashi is in the right hands.

"This. Drink up."

Konoha offered Akaashi a cup of warm chocolate. Also a pack of tissue.

"Thank you." Akaashi answered softly and in a hoarse voice. He accepted the drink with trembling hands before sipping it. The warmth flowed through his throat and into his stomach. His feelings became a little calmer. His heart still feels very painful but after a moment he becomes calm.

"Konoha san, tomorrow is the last day I play Spiegel im Spiegel."

****

It turned out that when Akaashi stopped playing Spiegel im Spiegel it didn't mean that Konoha automatically got Akaashi. Even so Konoha remained by Akaashi's side. That night Akaashi returned from the Bokuto wedding party, the man looked once again broken.

Konoha can only hold him tightly.

Konoha himself did not attend the Bokuto wedding. He was sure he would not be strong enough to witness everything. Happy Bokuto, the ruined Akaashi saw his true love standing in front of the altar with another woman, and himself who bore it all. Seeing the person he loved suffers and he is still nobody.

He would not be able to hear Akaashi bring Spiegel im Spiegel to Bokuto with all his feelings.  
So he waited. Until Akaashi, who was still wearing his best suit, appeared in Konoha's apartment and cried once more in his embrace.

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
But I couldn`t stay away, I coudn`t fight it  
I had hoped you`d see my face  
And that you`d be reminded that for me, it isn`t over

Adele – Someone Like You

****

That night Konoha Akinori stared at the figure of marble with sleep in her arms. The figure of Akaashi keiji fell asleep back to the window making the moonlight that managed to break through the window and the curtain illuminated a part of Akaashi's face and made it glow.

But there was a speck of sadness emanating from that beautiful face that Konoha didn't like. Konoha knew that Akaashi was the type of person who kept everything by himself. He does not like to bother others. Always prioritizing the happiness of others rather than his own feelings. The thing that makes Konoha always want to protect Akaashi. Yes, for a Konoha, Akaashi's figure is that valuable.

That night since returning from Bokuto's marriage, Akaashi chose to stay at Konoha's apartment. Konoha knew that Akaashi did not want to return to his apartment which had millions of memories of Bokuto. On the other hand he also didn't want Akaashi himself at a time like this.

That night Konoha slept with her arms around Akaashi's weak figure. Fantasizing for a moment wishing that time Akaashi was indeed his. Imagine if one day Akaashi will play a `piece` that is specifically for Konoha.

Konoha's Spiegel im Spiegel.

****

All Konoha could do was stay by Akaashi's side. Trying to convince him that he is not alone. Don't force him to accept his existence. Konoha wants everything to go according to the flow like river water flowing. He does not like to force. Konoha wants to enjoy the moments she has with Akaashi. The most precious moments at his side.  
Konoha still often accompanied him to practice violin. And as he promised, Akaashi never once played Spiegel im Spiegel.

Because Arvo Part's work always reminds Akaashi of the Bokuto he loved. Bokuto has left and will probably not return. Bokuto who loved Akaashi disappeared and changed to Bokuto who regards Akaashi only as a friend. Even though Bokuto had never left Akaashi's heart and mind. No matter how hard Konoha tried, he remained a substitute. There isn't even one beautiful work that can remind Akaashi of Konoha.

So pathetic. Of the many masterpieces, none can represent Konoha in Akaashi's heart.

And Konoha again buried itself. Given the opportunity to always be by Akaashi's side, Konoha was grateful.

****

One year passes quickly.

Now Akaashi has left his apartment which has millions of memories which only hurt him. Konoha took advantage of this rare opportunity and offered Akaashi to live with him so he would not be alone. And Akaashi agrees.

Konoha has never felt this happy before.

The habit of watching movies on Saturday nights continues. Now they have a new habit. Namely go drink coffee on Friday morning. Konoha deliberately keeps Akaashi busy. So he don't have time to think about his past. Konoha tried to start a new routine and make new memories with Akaashi.  
Because even if it's just one piece, he also wants to have a place in the recesses of an Akaashi's heart. He was tired of trying to replace Bokuto so he had to be content with just a small portion.

That Friday morning as usual he invited akaashi to drink coffee together. Now Akaashi is much more cheerful and open. The atmosphere is so perfect. The sky is pastel blue and the light doesn't sting.

Warm, like the feeling of Konoha at that time.

"You know, Akaashi," Konoha said, "You sound like a kid."

"Hey, but I'm right. Look at the cloud over there that looks like your face!”

If there isn't a song that makes Akaashi remember it, a line of clouds that is quickly lost in the wind can remind Akaashi of him alone enough for Konoha. He felt very fond of Akaashi. And that day looked perfect. He grabbed Akaashi's shoulder with his arm and tightened his arms. It was as if Akaashi would leave him if even a little Konoha loosened his arms.

But there is always something that ruins your happy day. When suddenly they hear someone calling. Konoha cursed in the heart.

"Hey!"

Why did he have to appear at a time like this? When everything was a little perfect for Konoha. He could only blink in disbelief of what he saw before him. Bokuto Kotaro had just appeared from nowhere and greeted them.

The atmosphere became very awakwrd.

"Hello."

"Why are you guys together? Is Konoha your boyfriend?"

Konoha doesn't know what Bokuto means. Maybe it's just a question that has no intention whatsoever other than curiosity. But for what? The man who had left Akaashi and married another woman now had to come and ruin his happiness.

"Yes."

Konoha answered briefly, densely, and clearly.

****

In fact Konoha was a little grateful for Bokuto's appearance that morning. He can say in front of Bokuto's face that Akaashi is his. Sounds evil indeed. But Konoha only used the opportunity. An opportunity that apparently made the goddess of luck smile sweetly at him.  
Coming home from the Café, akaashi had not liked Konoha's answer to Bokuto.

"Why did you say that?"

"It's the truth." Konoha answered simply. Konoha crawling over to him, breath tickling his face. Konoha knew that Akaashi's thoughts returned to Bokuto. But today it was begun with a perfect atmosphere and he just needed to continue to convince Akaashi about himself.

"It's the truth." His repeat.

Even Konoha was able and willing to repeat that sentence millions of times as long as Akaashi could believe it. Fortunately he didn't need to say that much because when his dry lips finally merged with Akaashi's lips, the kiss was reciprocated.

"It's the truth."

Akaashi embraced him and deepened their kiss.

"It's the truth."

****

But it seems that Konoha must pay dearly for the happiness he dared to taste. Konoha was still holding Akaashi in his sleep. Having it all night and not even morning yet.  
But he heard Akaashi's cellphone ring.

The ring never stopped even though the minutes passed. Both are awake and Konoha knows that the ring will continue to interfere if it is not immediately lifted.

"Just lift it up, Keiji." Said Konoha in his sleepiness. Not noticing Akaashi's stunned expression as the young man glanced at his cellphone.

Fear crept back in Konoha's chest. From Akaashi's tone answering his cellphone he knew who dared to disturb their sleep. So Konoha was only able to hold Akaashi so he could not escape his grasp.

"I'm sorry, Bokuto san."

Right?

Konoha tightened his arms again. He kissed Akaashi shoulder to shoulder trying to strengthen. But strengthen who? Strengthens Akaashi, who when he finally hangs up the phone immediately sniffles, or strengthens his own heart which secretly worries and fears

What if he loses Akaashi after he finally has it?

"You are so brave, so beautiful, it's okay Keiji. It's okay I love you."

Yes, Konoha loved Akaashi so much that he again left his own feelings of fear in order to soothe his lover. Akaashi's happiness is his priority.

****  
Konoha managed to forget his fear for a moment. Day after day passed and finally Akaashi Keiji graduated from college. Apparently, the fate still wanted to play with them. Because Akaashi was accepted into a workplace under the leadership of Megumi. Bokuto Megumi. The woman married by Bokuto Kotaro.  
Now he sat together with Kuroo.

"Am I that greedy?"

Kuroo looked at Konoha with a look of pity.

Konoha sipped his cold coffee. "Sometimes I really want to have it. Keep Akaashi to myself. But I know he will never be happy. But can't I be happy too?"  
Kuroo still doesn't answer. Konoha just needs to be heard. So he just kept quiet and Konoha continued.

"I'm really scared that one day Akaashi will leave my side. I could not live without it. I love him so much that it feels like my chest hurts so much. But it seems like I have to be satisfied with just this, huh.”

Kuroo feels speechless. He leaned his back in the Café chair where they met and looked around before sitting up straight and staring intently at Konoha.

"For your information, Konoha. You are the bravest person I have ever known. I am grateful to have known someone like you. And I'm sure so is Akaashi. You have the right to be happy. I'm sure one day you will find your own happiness. With or without Akaashi. As a gift it has become so brave."

Hearing Kuroo's sentence, Konoha cried.

****

Konoha heard Akaashi call him. He walked over and was about to answer when a pair of his eyes found something on the table. A box of green-eyed rings.  
The ring he had seen many years ago. The ring that Bokuto showed everyone before he lost his memory. The ring was then pinned on Megumi's fingers. The ring that Bokuto chose because he thought was very compatible with the eyes of an Akaashi Keiji.

So why is the ring there? Did Akaashi bring it? Where did he get it?

Trying to make any secret, Konoha's brain could not refute his heart. In the recesses of his heart—and even his brain could not help but agree—Konoha understood what this meant.

Konoha could only look at the ring with a bitter look and sigh. Game over.

"I lost, right?"

For the first time Akaashi became the first to embrace Konoha. Whispered something in Konoha's ear.

"Forgive me."

"It's okay." After all Konoha had no choice.

"I really did love you, know?"

For the last time he wanted to believe it. For the first time, finally Akaashi said that he loved Konoha. Although it is an expression of separation. At least Akaashi said that to him. There is nothing Konoha wants besides that.

And Akaashi's happiness.

"I know."

Konoha did not think that he lost. But indeed from the beginning he had lost. He was given only a few opportunities to accompany Akaashi, guarding Akaashi while Bokuto's memory was gone. Now he must return what does not belong to his own. He was reminded not to be greedy.

Once again he must be brave in his life.

This separation feels light. Like saying goodbye to old friends. At least Konoha never felt sorry. He had loved Akaashi before. Akaashi even loved him once. As Kuroo had told him that Konoha was so brave. Dare to take the opportunity, dare to take decisions.

And one day he will feel his happiness. Even without Akaashi by his side.

Akaashi is one love that happens in his life that is not to be regretted. But to be grateful, to be remembered, and to be saved is a very precious memory.  
Something that is very valuable and will always guard Konoha until the end of his life.

"One last kiss for goodbye?"

Perhaps a great love is never returned   
– Dag Hammerskjold

****


	2. [THE LOVE THAT LASTS LONGEST]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -PART 2 Perhaps a great love is never returned-
> 
> Seven years later.  
> There are some things that are still the same and some have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!  
> Thank you very much, my dear Denika.Thank you for Daisuga san.Thank you for all readers.  
> Thank you for myself,haha
> 
> How was it? I want to know what do you guys think about this story :)  
> Should I make another Akaakono?

Seven years later

There are some things that are still the same and some have changed. The life of a Konoha Akinori has many changes now he has become an independent man. Working in a pharmaceutical company. With a stable salary and owning an apartment that is arguably not simple.  
In terms of appearance Konoha also has many changes. Now he has a mature male aura. The hair is trimmed neater and facial contours are firmer.

But he was still a man who spent his nights alone in his apartment room. With the lights on. Sometimes accompanied by the sound of rain that hit the window glass. Enjoying the sound of friction violin whose tone he had memorized by heart. Just flowing like a breath.

Spiegel Im Spiegel.

Even seven years later Konoha still always missed him.

**** 

"Good morning, Konoha-san!"

"Good morning, Uncle."  
******   
Konoha feels that sometimes the world wants to joke and laugh at it. Since being accepted at a pharmaceutical company, Konoha decided to move to an apartment close to his workplace, an apartment that is far more luxurious and suitable for him. He has the right to enjoy the ease of life after all this time struggling hard.  
But on the third day when Konoha was about to leave for his office he was shocked by the apartment next door which also opened the door. Appears the figure of a beautiful woman by holding a boy aged around six years.  
The world seemed to stop spinning. Everything around him froze. For the first time in seven years her heart felt like it was being squeezed.  
Konoha is very familiar with her. He is Megumi. Then the figure of a boy who was looking confused at Konoha reminded him of someone. That innocent face, dual-tone hair, a pair of thick eyebrows and round golden eyes that reminded him of someone ...  
One look at Konoha immediately understood all the situations that had occurred for years. He didn't expect that he would be the neighbor of Bokuto Kotarou's ex-wife.  
When they first met, after successfully overcoming the shock in each other, all they did was nod in greetings. Agree in your heart without a sound.

"Now is not the time to tell stories."

******* 

Everyone has their stories that they want to keep. Like Konoha, who secretly listens to Spiegel Im Spiegel every day. At first Konoha did that to fill the emptiness in his heart. Sow salt on the wound. Patching miss in the recesses of his heart.  
Because since his last kiss with Akaashi, Konoha chose to go away from all of them. All are happy. Even Kuroo still contacted him at the beginning of his move. The young man has now found his moorings. But Konoha deliberately began to reduce contact with people in his past.  
He wants to get well.  
Finally the activity every night listening to Spiegel im Spiegel is hardly more than just a routine activity. Just like when you are going to brush your teeth before going to sleep, or wash your hands before eating, an activity that is done out of habit.

Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses – Lao Tzu

***   
One month since Konoha Akinori lived in her new apartment and became the neighbor of Bokuto's ex-wife, they finally decided to open up to each other. At that time Kazune, Megumi's only puppet boy, was still at school. Megumi and Konoha decided to have lunch together at one of the restaurants in the city center.

"Kotarou knows," Megumi said with a small smile. His face implies longing and Konoha can know how deep Megumi loves Kazune at the same time "Occasionally Kotarou also meets Kazune. The child certainly knows. You can see for yourself how similar they are!"

Konoha saw the beautiful woman laughing. Megumi is much braver than Konoha When was the last time she laughed?

"How about you? You've changed, Konoha-san! I almost didn't recognize you the first time we met at the door of the apartment."

"I am fine." Maybe? "I'm still alone. My work which is very busy leaves me almost no time to do anything else.”  
Once again Megumi's lips broke into a smile.  
"You look doubtful."  
Konoha winks do not understand. But Megumi spoke again. Now with a much more careful tone.  
"You want to ask about him, right?"  
Konoha Akinori's heart immediately sank.

***   
Now the dimly lit room is not only heard violin friction. But the sobs of a man who was still trapped by his past also filled the room. Tortured with feelings that he himself wants to protect.  
The first time since seven years has passed.  
Konoha Akinori cried again for the decision he had made.

"He still works with me. Very diligent and looks happy. They are very happy. Makes me never regret having decided to return Kotarou.”  
Konoha roared along with the high notes that were still playing. He remembered the sentence Megumi said when they met this afternoon.  
"Just a suggestion from me, stop running from reality. Maybe meeting them finally can make Konoha's heart feel calm. It's still very painful, but at least knowing happiness radiating from their eyes can make us relieved because we finally know that the decisions we have ever made are the best."

***   
Konoha still listens to Spiegel Im Spiegel every night.

But now something is changing his life a little. A girl, a new employee at her company, who knows since when seems always follows her. Konoha also did not deny seeing how the young girl looked at him.  
Almost adore.  
Initially the girl just approached him and began to invite him to talk about work. Then he started by taking Konoha to lunch together, chatting about other things besides work, bringing small gifts to Konoha. Now the Konoha desk is never absent from small parcels filled with snacks and sweet cakes.  
Then the girl began to appear often in Konoha's apartment. Had a funny incident when the girl visited Konoha. At that time Megumi who was on an assignment out of town left Kazune with Konoha. The girl thought that Konoha was actually already married.  
Repeatedly apologizing because the girl thought she was disturbing the relationship of a married person. But when Konoha finally explained that it was all a misunderstanding, then the girl expressed her feelings for Konoha.

For the first time in seven years, someone said that she loved Konoha Akinori.

*****   
"What's wrong with opening your heart to someone else?"

Now Megumi and Konoha have been so close since they became neighbors of the apartment. Close like a sister who looks after her favorite younger brother. Konoha and Megumi sometimes go out to lunch together. If Kazune is not in school, the child will usually participate.

"Megumi san herself is single."

Megumi sighed deeply. He looked at his son who was very similar to Bokuto. "I have something that I must prioritize."

"But did Megumi san never think that Kazune needed a father figure? A role that can only be performed by a man?"  
Silence. Then Konoha realized his mistake.  
"Sorry, Megumi-san. It's not my intention to—"  
"I understand what you mean," Megumi interrupted. There was no tone of anger in his voice. Even so it still sounds a bit bitter. "To be honest that is only an excuse. Because actually I'm not ready. Besides, Kotarou still wants to meet and love Kazune. So far there are no problems. Kazune is also more mature than his age. He knows if his biological father already has his own life. The boy once told me that Kotarou still wants to meet with him so Kazune feels it's enough."  
Konoha followed the direction of Megumi's gaze at Kazune's small figure engrossed in her ice cream.  
"You're very lucky to have a child like Kazune, Megumi-san!"  
"Oh, you should know that having Kazune has made me happy. Very happy!"

******* 

But Konoha Akinori is still alone.  
Maybe Megumi is right. Konoha is not bad after all. In fact, someone could say he was a man who was so handsome. During this time he only busied himself with his work. To not realize if there are some women who secretly crave it.  
Konoha began dating a girl who worked with the company. The girl who some time ago expressed his feelings to Konoha. Even if I'm honest, Konoha still doesn't love that girl. But at least he tried.  
Spiegel im Spiegel is rarely heard playing.

*******   
"Aki-kun, who is this? Is this your friend?"

At that time Konoha's lover came to visit. When Konoha was preparing dinner with them, his girlfriend was looking at a pile of movies that they planned to watch while having dinner together at Konoha's apartment.

Konoha forgot. There was a shelf filled with piles of films that he had not touched since moving apartments. Konoha rarely watches movies. And he did not know since when the piece of the photo could be tucked there.  
Is destiny playing with it again?  
"Yes, old friend." Konoha replied  
"He is handsome, yes. You look very familiar."  
"Yes," said Konoha shortly while still arranging the dining table.  
"If I may know where he is now? I've never seen it. And what's his name?"

Konoha looked weighed. Does he have to be honest or not. At the base of his stomach now feels heavy and breathing began to irregular. He was sure that after dinner he would regurgitate his stomach again.  
One of Konoha's old habits that he has had since parting ways with Akaashi Keiji. Konoha's digestion rejects the food she eats when her past thoughts return strongly.  
"He is married and lives with his partner. He lives in another city so I never met him. I haven't seen Akaashi Keiji in a long time."

*******   
"Oh, sorry."

"It is okay."

Konoha's girlfriend intended to go home and had just come out of Konoha's apartment when a man accidentally touched the package the girl was carrying. The packet of apples fell scattered. The man readily helped pick up all the Apples.

"Sorry, I really did not intentionally. I'm in a hurry. This is the Apple."

Despite feeling annoyed, Konoha's lover just smiled soothingly "It's okay, Sir."

"I have an appointment to pick up my son," the man pointed to the door of Megumi's apartment next to Konoha. "And I'm half an hour late. He must be sulking."

"Then immediately pick him up. I'm fine, really. The apple is safe. You do not need to worry. Kazune-chan must be waiting for you."

"Eh? Do you know my son? Do you live in the next apartment?"  
"Not me. Only met a few times. Incidentally Akinori, my lover, lives next door," Now it's the girl's turn to point to the Konoha apartment door. "Kazune-chan also often with Akinori-kun."  
Akinori?

"Oh, next time I have to meet your lover and thank you."  
The girl smiled, "Excuse me, then."

"Alright, sorry again."  
"See you later!"  
"See you later."

The two men parted ways. The man entered the apartment while the girl hurried to the elevator.

No one is sent by accident to anyone – a Course in Miracles

******* 

"Do you want to know about Uncle Konoha?" Kazune who was on Bokuto's lap looked at his father's face curiously.

"Konoha?"

"Yes, the neighbor next door to the apartment. We call him Uncle Konoha because his name is Konoha Akinori."  
"Oh, I see?" Bokuto is getting curious.  
"Uncle Konoha is a very good person. Very quiet but very kind. When Mama is busy at work, I often go to Uncle Konoha's apartment. I will be given lots of delicious sweet cakes.”  
Bokuto was doubtful In this world there must be many who have the name Konoha Akinori. But whether the person told by his son is the same person. It's been years since that person disappeared. The person who used to be a close friend. The person who once guarded his property. After returning Keiji the man disappeared without a trace.  
Before he could even get Bokuto to thank him.  
And apologize ...  
But is he still allowed to see him again?  
"Oh yes!" Kazune's exclamation interrupted Bokuto's reverie. "I remember that Uncle Konoha loved listening to the song that Uncle Keiji always played for Papa!"  
It seems like it can ...  
****** 

"How?"  
Konoha shook his head slowly. This time he had lunch with Megumi alone.  
"Looks like you can't. She is a good girl but still can't."  
"Is that so?" Megumi leaned her chin up and took her neighbor seriously. "At least you tried. Then what would you do. "Continue or how?"

"If I continue, I don't want to feel more tortured. Because I think I'd better be alone. Like there was a lump in my heart. I also do not want her to love me more deeply. She is a good girl and understanding is not suitable to be mocked."

"So you decided to end your relationship?"  
Now Konoha shrugged his shoulders.  
"Think carefully. If you really want to end your relationship, then explain it well. I'm sure he will understand."  
Konoha hesitated. Since establishing a relationship with his coworkers, he rarely listens to Spiegel Im Spiegel. His mind began to be distracted. But that does not mean Konoha began to love the girl. For him he was just a colleague and a good friend.  
With frustration Konoha rubbed his face which looked very confused.  
"I'm still firm with my opinion, Konoha-san," Megumi said quietly "Meet him. Maybe this time you can really give up. Look at me, I still meet Kotarou often but I have reconciled with our situation. My life has calmed down knowing Kotarou is happy and we are fine."  
Konoha looked at Megumi's eyes wearily.  
"Not everyone has thoughts like you, Megumi-san."  
**** 

"Apparently he is."

Megumi looked at her ex-husband who was now sitting in the living room with Kazune on his lap. Today she decided to tell her ex-husband's next-door neighbor. It turns out that Bokuto himself already knows. Kazune told him.

"You're mad?" Megumi asked cautiously.

"Rather feel a little guilty," Bokuto said softly. "Just as I feel you."

Bokuto looked down and rubbed the head of Kazune who was sleeping on his lap.

"You know that I'm fine." Megumi smiled. "I used to also like Konoha san. But I quickly overcome my own feelings. I'm glad to see you happy. But it seems Konoha-san is still having a hard time making peace for himself."

"I want to bring them together again," Bokuto said making Megumi wide-eyed. "Maybe that way they can solve this problem themselves. However they have grown up."

"I also have the same thoughts as you, Kou. But this is not easy Konoha-san continued to refuse. He prefers to hurt himself. Or rather he was afraid."  
A pair of golden eyes belonging to Bokuto looked at his ex-wife with determination.

"Previously, let me meet him. I want you to arrange our meeting. I can ask you a favor right?"  
Megumi sighed in relief.  
"Sure, Kou. You can count on me I want things to be all right. You know that I will do anything for you "

Bokuto smiled broadly. "Thank you. I'm grateful to have been a part of your life. I want you to know that."

***** 

"Is it not tasty?"

Konoha who was daydreaming staring at the soda glass in front of him gasped in surprise. He automatically looked at the girl in front of him who was now staring at him worried.  
"No," Konoha answered quickly. "The food is really good. But I have a lot of thoughts so I don't daydream.”

But Konoha knew if the girl did not believe his words. Malm after work both of them decided to have dinner together outside. But most of the time Konoha was just daydreaming. Like thinking about something heavy. Maybe if she doesn't work in the same department, the girl will think that her boyfriend is having problems with his job. But he knew that the company was doing well.  
"Aki-kun, you know if I love you?"  
Konoha was stunned.  
"Love you so much. To the extent that it feels better for me to release you than torture you to stay by my side."  
What does it mean?  
"But please, allow me to end this relationship. Allow me to be the one who left you, Aki-kun. You may not love me, but at least don't make me the one to get dumped. I don't want to be a pathetic person!”

How can that girl laugh at a time like this? Since when did she realize that? Like being able to know the contents of Konoha's mind, the girl who will soon become a former lover continued her words.

"From the beginning I knew that you never loved me. The way you look at me never changes. You do it because you want to forget something. Or someone I'm a sensitive woman, Aki-kun."

"I'm sorry ..." Only that can be spoken from Konoha's lips.  
"It is okay. Don't worry because I'll be fine. Before that may I ask one thing?"  
Konoha just nodded.  
"He, that person, is your friend named Akaashi Keiji, right?"

Hearing that name Konoha's lips felt bitter. "Yes, right. Indeed he is. To be honest, he's not my friend. He is my ex-lover."

"Ah, I see. All right," the girl said in the final tone. "With this I want us to separate. You are not my lover anymore but I hope we can remain good friends."

Konoha nodded.

"Thank God..."

"Are you all right? Do you still want to be friends with me? Why?" Konoha asked softly.

"Maybe I'll cry for a few days," despite laughing Konoha could see the girl's eyes were wet. "And why should I avoid? It feels sick but I will be able to cure myself. Precisely by running I will continue to be sad. By staying friends you might get used to it. And I want to say something to you, Konoha-san."

Ah, now he has become Konoha-san. Not Aki-kun anymore.

"What is that?"

"You're not alone. In this world many people love someone but have never been together. And that is normal. Sometimes love that never goes away is love that is never avenged."

That day Konoha realized that once again in his life he had made a mistake. But he is not alone. There is a girl in front of him who has now officially become his former lover, there is Megumi-san, and also millions of other people in this world who feel the same way.

Konoha is not alone.

The love that last longest is the love that is never returned – W. somerset Maugham  
**** 

"I'm glad you want to help me," Megumi patted Konoha on the shoulder Saturday. So Konoha didn't go to work. But suddenly Megumi came to his apartment and said that if he suddenly had a job he had to do. Megumi wants to trace Kazune to Konoha.

"Take it easy, Megumi-san. It just so happens that I don't have any shows."

"Alright, I'll come back tonight. I'll treat dinner as my gratitude. Incidentally Kazune hasn't woken up yet. You can do anything in my apartment ... Breakfast here as well. I made miso soup earlier "

Konoha nodded.

"I'll leave first then," Megumi grabbed her bag and hurriedly left her apartment.

Kazune woke up half an hour after his mother left and the boy immediately hugged Konoha's waist when he saw him.  
"I'm glad Uncle Konoha came to look after me today!" he exclaimed cheerfully "Because I want Uncle Konoha to meet Papa!"

***** 

Konoha doesn't know if this is a coincidence or is Megumi's plan, or if fate really hates it.  
Now he stands in the living room. In front of him stood a person he had never met for a long time. One of the people he deliberately avoided for years. Now they faced each other with Kazune, who was standing in the middle holding his father's hand  
"Long time no see, Konoha."  
"Do you know Uncle Konoha?" Kazune was surprised, but excited.

"Yes, this Konoha uncle is Papa's old friend."

*****

"Why did you go?"  
Now only the two men were sitting on the veranda of the apartment while enjoying a cup of coffee  
"I was hired to work in a pharmaceutical company far from my old place of residence." Konoha answered flatly.  
"Not avoiding us?"  
Konoha did not answer.  
"I have a lot to say to you. But the first is that I want to apologize to you. However I have hurt you. Then I also thank you for taking care of Keiji. Even giving it back to me."  
If listening to someone mention the name of Akaashi Keiji hurts Konoha, then listening directly from Bokuto Kotarou's lips makes Konoha want to cry right away.

"From the beginning he was yours," Konoha said bitterly.  
"He misses you," Bokuto looked at his old friend who stared back at him with an unreadable gaze. "He often told me if he really wanted to meet you. Keiji is sad to know that you left without saying goodbye.”

"Doesn't he already have you?"  
Bokuto sighed deeply. "I know if Keiji still loves you. Not the same as how he loved me, Konoha. But for Keiji you are still a very important person in his life. You were there when I stupidly forgot about Keiji and hurt him. And Keiji is sorry he hurt you."  
Konoha's breathing falters. His tongue was sticky and his throat was sore. He can't cry now. Not in front of Bokuto.

"Come back Konoha. We really miss you."

******   
Seven years.

Is it finally his escape will be stopped. Is Konoha ready to meet Keiji again? A part of him really missed Keiji a lot. But part of him was afraid he would lose control when they met again.  
Konoha is afraid of being hurt again.  
Konoha's courage is up.

*****

Even after all these years Konoha Akinori was still fascinated when she saw those pair of eyes. His heart was still pounding when finally for the next seven years they met again.  
"I'm glad to see you again, Akinori."  
The fort he had detained had finally broken down. Tears racing down Konoha's two cheeks. After years he can meet again with Akaashi.  
After seven years running, Konoha finally ventured to return.  
"Me too, Keiji. Me too."

Why did it take seven years for Konoha to run? Why if it turns out it only takes seven minutes to justify what Megumi said. What his ex-girlfriend also told him.  
["Meet him. Maybe this time you can really give up. Look at me, I still meet Kotarou often but I have reconciled with our situation. My life has calmed down knowing Kotarou is happy and we are fine."]

Because by seeing your loved ones happy, we feel we have made the right decision.

["And why should I avoid? It feels sick but I will be able to cure myself. Precisely by running I will continue to be sad. By staying friends you might get used to it. And I want to say something to you, Konoha san."]  
["You're not alone. In this world many people love someone but have never been together. And that is normal. Sometimes love that never goes away is love that is never avenged."]

That day Konoha had decided to stop running.

"I miss you so much, Akinori. Really. Stay here with us. With me, please don't disappear again. You are a very important person in my life. I'm sorry for hurting you. You may be angry with me. But don't leave."  
For the first time in years, Konoha Akinori truly smiled with relief.  
"I will stay here, Keiji. With you."

[FIN]


End file.
